Dangerous Faith

Hello:

A couple of years ago I was contacted by a good friend that I hadn't spoken to in a long long time. "Joanie", not her real name, and her family were going though a horrible experience and she needed to talk. I was stunned as she told me that her daughter had been sexually abused. I was crushed when she told me by whom.

Last year, Liguori Publications released Catie the Caterpillar written by Tracy M. Schamburg, LPC and illustrated by Melanie Riley. Catie is a colorful children's book intended to "help break the silence of sexual abuse". After the numerous Priest sexual scandals in the Catholic Church, Liguori had been looking to provide a product that would help empower victims of any age to come forward. I was working on a project to send samples of the book to counselors and child service organizations, so I called Joanie to get some ideas of people to contact. As we talked, we wondered how others might benefit from her tragedy. It was a big request, but I asked if she would consider doing a guest post on my BLOG. She said she'd think about it.

I don't know that time has healed these wounds, but it has lent enough distance that Joanie has been able to share some of her ordeal here at Dark Glass. Comments to this post are encouraged and will be read by Joanie. I will forward any email as well.

Peace,

P. Del Ricci - Dark Glass

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I’ve read yet another story in the news today about Shawn Hornbeck, the oldest of the 2 boys recently rescued from their kidnapper. It is very upsetting to see how the media so callously reports every little detail.

When my daughter was 6 she told me that her father (my husband of over 20 years) was having her perform an unspeakable act. My first reaction was to assume there was something wrong with her – perhaps the beginning of a mental illness or a hallucination caused by some weird reaction to a daily medication. Lucky for her, I realized in very short order that her descriptions of what was happening could not have come from adult magazines or movies – she knew things that cannot be known except by being a participant.

Pedophiles don’t wear signs or have tatoo’s that identify them. In fact, if they weren’t so good at blending in there would never be any victims. They are also very good at keeping their victims quiet and even close friends and family often have no idea that they have such dark secrets.

In that very short time between disbelief and realization that she was telling the truth, my now ex-husband tried to persuade her to recant. He told her that he was dying – she was killing him by telling me. He told her that she was “breaking up the family”, and that I would send her away to live alone or with strangers. The things he said included her dying a horrible death, being kidnapped, the rest of the family turning our backs on her, etc. She believed every word he said. He’d kept her quiet with physical and emotional abuse and I now know she was able to come forward only because she thought he was going to kill her. And some things, like “breaking up the family” did happen. I’m careful to talk about the divorce in ways that convey Daddy is responsible for breaking up the family but she feels guilty anyway.

Four years after the abuse ended, she still sees a therapist. Charges have not yet been filed because she’s not emotionally able to testify against him. Thankfully, we aren’t famous so the media isn’t standing on my porch demanding details of her abuse. We are proceeding at a pace that is comfortable for her, not on newspaper deadlines. And because my ex-husband isn’t newsworthy, the media isn’t destroying our case by revealing sensitive details. We might have a chance of getting a conviction if & when she’s strong enough to face him in court.